No-one has the right to pit a child against a parent

A child who hears only bad things about a parent, or witnesses him/her being abused by the other, will grow up to be a man/woman with serious issues. Children see their mother and father as persons who will never betray them, whom they can trust, and who will always take care of them. Their eyes see, take in, perceive everything. We have all been children and our world of needs, desires, and fantasies was all the more wonderful because we were sure that our parents really loved us. If for a moment we were ever to doubt this, we would be overwhelmed with fear, because it is our parents who make us feel protected and give us the inner strength to overcome our doubts and uncertainties. But if ever one of them – father or mother – were ever to leave us, that small world would begin to creak, and if we were to feel rejected or even abused, everything inside of us would begin to fall apart. If a parent were to speak ill of the other parent or yell violently at him/her in front of their child, and if, over time, that child were to take his/her side, he/she could join forces with the abusing parent. In this case, what would happen is that what would appear to be a position taken against the abused parent would actually be the first great rift in the child’s/adolescent’s personality. A parent who pits his/her child against the other parent is satisfied that his/her child is on his/her side but does not realize that the real enemy inside the child is him/her, not the other parent. The truth is that in order for that child/adolescent to ward off the anxiety caused by the aggressive or violent parent he/she could identify with him/her in order to feel safer and protected against a sense of inner fear. The problem will arise when that child/adolescent becomes an adult, for the consequences could be that he/she may either become violent or fall into a state of deep depression. In any case, the wounds will be devastating for everyone!

Dottssa Stefania Jade Trucchi